


As Long As I'm Here

by real__kazekage



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Death, F/M, Love, Refuse Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 08:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20739560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/real__kazekage/pseuds/real__kazekage
Summary: The decision of Ander's fate is in Sabre Hawke's hand.





	As Long As I'm Here

_There is no fear now_  
_Let go and just be free_  
_I will love you unconditionally_  
-Katy Perry

* * *

The Chantry was destroyed by Anders and now the task of figuring out if he deserves mercy or not was in Sabre Hawke's hands. When she watched the Chantry burned before her eyes so many feelings and thought rushed through her; uncertain of the fate of her beloved, Anders. Yes, she may have not always agreed with him: hardly ever agreed with him. However, she still loved him. He was at her side through difficult times and never gave up on her. They argued, but who doesn't argue? She couldn't stand the thought of him becoming a martyr, and yet that is exactly what he has done. All her warnings -- all her efforts -- none of it matters now. 

When the knight commander demanded that she side with her: Sabre locked her gaze with her sister. How could she fight against her own sister? She is the only family she has left, and the knight commander actually thought she would spill the blood of her own family. The choice was an easy one : side with the mages. The enchanter left the fate of Anders in her hands. Her own sister did not say anything but gently hugged Hawke, as if it would be there last embrace. Hawke refused for this to be their last time together as a family.

Now, she had to decide what to do with Anders: the very man she has loved for four years. Her bright blue hues stared down at him, focused solely on him. "Out of all the places to blow up, you choose the Chantry." She mumbled to herself. "Why not the Templar's headquarters, that is where Meredith was. If you did that I would almost agree with you."

He shook his head, "It was too risky...I couldn't let you get caught and be killed for my choices," Anders answered causing Hawke's eyes to narrow down at him.

"So you choose to kill those_ people_ instead of the Templars. Anders, you chose **poorly**." Her words dug into his heart, but he refused to speak.

Hawke sighed to herself, moving her eyes to the side. As if hoping all of this was a bad dream and she would awake in her estate. She would wake up in a hot flash only to be relaxed back into sleep by Anders. Yes, he would hold her and tell her everything was okay. However, none of that is happening. She is still standing in the ashes of the burning Chantry.Her blue hues stared at the flames engulfing the entire city because of his choice. All for the mages, or so he told himself. 

Then, she looked over to him. So, he knew what he was doing when she aided him in the Chantry. She only helped him because she loved him! Her anger was consuming her, which was normal but this anger boiled like the flames of hell. "You lied to me Anders...," she paused and closed her eyes tightly desperately trying to keep her tears at bay. "You used me!" She shouted so loudly it almost did not sound like her, but he did not flinch.

He only lowered his head, placing his hands over his face. "Justice was too strong," he whispered causing her expression to soften for a moment. "I-I tried to fight it...."

Yes, she remembered their talk. She questioned him about his doing in the Chantry and she nearly convinced him to stop whatever he had planned. However, Justice had showed up and told her to stop her effort in helping Anders. Justice has always been the problem, and now she is seeing it first hand. Did Justice stop Anders? She wouldn't be surprised. His possession over him had gotten worst in the few years, and all she could do was sit and watch as her beloved fell into the trap.

Hawke started to pace back and forth behind him, "We had something, something special and you do this to me! To us. " Her voice died down and she closed her eyes tightly. Hawke looked away, not from disgust, but in anger. Anger that he did this to her : to them. She looked back to him with anger in her bright blue irises.

"If you want to kill me, I understand." He spoke as he watched the Chantry burn to the ground. Those words dug a hole into her heart, leaving a burning sensation. She shook her head once. He can't ask her to do that, anything but that. She just stared at the back side of his hair, remembering how soft it was under her touch. How it tickled her face when they fell asleep in each other arm's. She tried to block out the image, but it was difficult.

"Just kill him," Fenris shouted from behind her causing Hawke to gaze over her shoulder.  
"I didn't ask for your bloody opinion, Fenris!" Hawke replied with such anger that even Merrill took a step back.

  
"Don't! Let him live and let him right his wrongs!" Merrill replied so softly that Hawke's blue eyes gazed back to Anders.

Hawke closed her eyes, desperately trying to figure out what to do. Who would give her such the burden of closing life and death!?

"If I have to die," Anders began to speak causing her to turn her full attention on him. "I'm glad it will be from your hands. I'm glad I was happy for a while with you."The sadness in his voice nearly brings this prideful woman to her knees. 

Hawke lowered his gaze, swallowing the lump in her throat, which tasted like acid.

_ You won't have her!_ His words shot through her like a dagger, that day when the whore would have used her blood magic to kill Hawke. Anders saved her. During her youth, she never trusted magic, but she trusted him. She trusted him to break the blood magic from her -- he did. He always put her life before his. 

_You going to let her talk to me like that?_ He always asked with a smile on his face when Isabelle insulted him. She always replied with a shrug but a faint smile on her dark lips.

_I'm here for you_. The way he held her after her mother's death, letting her cry like a child as he stroked her red locks. The one time she let her walls down was for him: him only. 

_ For three years I have laid in my bed...aching for you._

_I swear, I never know if I should kiss or kill you _

Why are these thoughts coming to her now, now out of all the time in the world? She stared down at him and then, her strong exterior broke like glass. Her mind flashed back to her mother holding Carver in her arms, yelling at Hawke for letting him die. As if it was her fault the entire Blight started. The anger in her mother's eyes and voice, it left a strong bitter taste in her mind. Then, how Bethany was taken by the Templars, and how she tried to drag her sister back in the house: they still took her. Her mother cried for days, blaming Hawke once again because she refused to take Bethany with her on the journey to the deep roads. Just when she thought she could not lose anymore people she loved, her mother died, a death worse than she could imagine. Yet, with all of her family dead, Anders was the one who comforted her. That night when she was felt like she was truly alone, he was there. Despite her violent outburst, he held her like a child needing love. He saw her at her weakest, and perhaps, that is why she loves him so much: still loves him. 

"I have only one question," she whispered to him. "Was it all a lie? Everything you said, everything we shared. Was it...a lie?" Hawke felt like her body had turned to stone as she stared at him, waiting for his answer. 

He was very still for a moment and then Anders shook his head, "**No**. I meant every word, every moment. I never stopped loving you and I never will. You are my only love, love was such a myth to me until I met you. Every word I spoke to you was the truth. I have always loved you, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. But, _this.._.." his voice drifted away for a moment. "I tried to stop Justice, but he is too strong. I....I am sorry."

Silence engulfed the air and Hawke only gazed at his back. Then, her gazed moved down to her feet. She noticed how her hands were shaking, either from fear or anger. She couldn't decide: all her emotions seem the same at the moment. Her gaze returned back to the dark sky caused by the fire, but her expression has changed from anger to calmness.

"I've lost so many," she spoke so softly that he could barley hear her. "I lost Carver, Bethany, and my mother. And..." her voice grew stronger and clearer as she stared at his back. "I'll be damned if I lose someone else I love!" She ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, placing her head upon his shoulders. Her face hidden by the black feathers upon his shoulders. 

Ander's brown hues widened from her comment and gesture, yet he placed his hands upon her gloved ones, closing his eyes: praying this wasn't a dream. Hawke's grip on him tightened, scared that if she let go she would lose him forever to the ashes. Anders kept his fingers attached to her gloved ones. She nuzzled her head into his neck, and her long red hair fall over his shoulder. They stayed in this embrace for a moment, but she spoke the silence. 

"I love you," she whispered to him. He shook his head but kept a hold of her hand. 

"I don't deserve your love, but for what is it worth, I love you more than my own life," he whispered. 

She removed her head from his neck but kept her arms around him, "Fight with us. Fight for the mages. Then, we can run away together, away from this horrible city."

Her words shocked him causing Anders to shake his head, "Saber, I want you to have a normal-"

"Be quiet," she hissed at him as her grip around his chest tightened. "I want you and only you, Anders. I don't care if I have to kill a hundred Templars, they won't have you, not while I'm here."

The mage felt his heart being rebuilt piece by piece by her words, and then stood up, causing her to release her grip around him. He stared down at her with his gentle brown eyes. "You'll be hated," he said and she only nodded.

"Lots of people hate me already," she replied. 

"I did a horrible thing and yet you still want me?" His voice was so quiet, but she nodded.

"You allowed Justice into you, but I saw you try to fight it. So, right the wrongs, fight for what you believe in," she answered with honestly in her voice.

"I can't promise you a home," he added.

Then, a tiny smile appeared on her lips. The lines of her tattooed cheek turning upward, "As long as I am with you, you're my home." She answered so honestly that it caused his heart to shatter into a million pieces.

"NO!" a voice rang out causing the smile on her lips to fade in a flash. She turned her head slightly to see Sebastian's angry face. Hawke stood up quickly to face him.

"No," Sebastian spat at her and Anders. "He deserves to die," he drew his bow and an arrow but Hawke grabbed her two daggers in response. Sebastian pointed at Anders with such hatred it nearly shocked Hawke. "He killed Elthina and others, you cannot allow him to walk away a free man."

Hawke kept a hold on her twin daggers, her blue gaze turned into a harsh blizzard. "Try it and I will gut you, Sebastian."

Sebastain shook his head, in defeat. "I will not fight you Hawke," he lowered his weapon but kept his gaze on the pair. "But I swear I will bring an army back with me and I kill your beloved Anders."

"Oh, you will actually be a prince?" She mocked at him, "I will be waiting for that day."

He took one last look at them and then turned away, walking out of their sight. Anders walked beside her as she placed the daggers back into their hold. Hawke turned her gaze to him, and then to the burning city. Nothing will harm him -- no one; not as long as she breathes. Tonight, they will fight and then the future is theirs. For now, they must fight so they can live another day: together.


End file.
